Happy 6th Birthday Simaneka Baumann

Today marks the 1^st year that I am not waking up next to my son and holding him to remind him of another year added on his age.  He turned 6 years old and it gets me to reflect on the journey we have walked thus far… Being a parent to a child has not been an easy journey and especially having a day to day responsibility knowing he depends on me.

I have come this far with all the comments, questions and reflections received from people out there about how a lesbian woman can be a mother to a child. Being a mother is not only reflectional of the overall womb expression however being a mom narrates a completely different reality of what a child deserves to have at all times.

I have come this far in raising children who are so beautiful and respectful to themselves and their surroundings that I commit to continue giving you the same values and a better life as you grow through this world.

Nostalgia creeps in as …

I remember having to wait for 8 hours, filled with extreme stress yet excitement of your arrival,

I remember how you brightened and warmed up the family home,

I remember how you refused breastmilk but managed to grow so big no baby clothes would fit

I remember how my nights were sleepless as you kept us awake all night

I remember how on impulse I had to make up a song for you, a song that- until today is so dear to you, to me and everyone else who seeks to grab your attention

I remember how you would stand at the gate and refuse to go in the house as you wait on my arrival from where ever

I remember how you made up your own mobile number and when asked what your cell phone number was– you would say 081 249… and today you are able to share mommy’s number by heart.

I remember all those moments when you decided to be on idols, performing in front of the TV and today you call yourself DJ Sim-sim

So many memories of greatness and sentimentally engraved as we journey through life, know that Mommy will never turn her back on you… Happy Birthday my Boy… #SimaAt6years

By: Linda RM Baumann 

07h09 

22 May 2018

He loves Me but the Bruises won’t stop

I see how he looks at me from the corner of his eye

I can feel his breath so close to my neck, goosebumps start to show

My mind races my heart every moment that passes

Confronting me endlessly about pointless scenarios not designed to be questionable

His insecurities have a way of showing its ugly spirit however that doesn’t make him a bad man

I understand his character and yes he gets out of hand at times but…

I know he loves the being within me that I am too afraid to love

I know he adores me as the only one he wants

I am special to him and that creates fear, unquestionable fear “that the one you love is bound to walk out on you”

We’ve come a long way and he has become calmer as time goes, he still likes to keep me to himself

“A treasure like no other- a treasure I cannot keep out of my sight for the pirates might steal my beautiful treasure” he says

I believe him, though the people around me see it different, I believe him

The bruises stop mattering after a while you know, they become embedded within my skin- apart of me actually

Bruises are who I am – or not?

I too carry fear- fear that one day I won’t be able to stop him, fear that one day he wont listen to me when I yell out to him to stop and that I’m sorry

But my biggest fear is that I wont be able to wake myself up from this nightmare in time…

By: Linda RM Baumann

05h28

17 May 2018

The AIDS and Rights Alliance for Southern Africa (ARASA) Training of Training of Trainers (TOT) 2017

I feel honored to have produced this small clip of our Training - 

The AIDS and Rights Alliance for Southern Africa (ARASA) Training of Training of Trainers (TOT) 2017 Video production of our memories during our 2017 TOT...

I had 3 hours to work with a program introduced to me over two days... The memory shall remain... as we screened this on our graduation ceremony. 

 The following seven participants received special awards for outstanding performance during the year and for their commitment to the programme: 

• ARASA Trainer of the year: Pauline Tlhako, Botswana
• First runner up Trainer’s Trainer award: Kelvin Makura, Zimbabwe
• Second runner up Trainer’s Trainer award: Ndume Elie, Democratic Republic of Congo
• Trainer’s Trainer 2017 Award: Linda Baumann, Namibia
• Facilitator of the year Award: Zee Ndlovu, MSF, South Africa

Link to the Video...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLQP-dPx1Kw&feature=youtu.be

Link to the Article...http://arasa.info/info/newsletters/welcome-26thedition-arasa-newsletter/growing-cadre-hiv-tb-and-human-rights-activists-southern-and-east-africa/

Invade my Privacy Why Don’t you!

I have wanted to express myself for the longest,
I’m talking about the expectations you place on all of us as transgender people.
Your sense of entitlement to information regarding who we are without considering our level of comfort or privacy, continue to boil my blood
Your endless enquiries, posing as “Innocent Questions”, revolving around the nature of our bodies
As if we owe you our private intimate details, while you further sensationalize our existence

I repeat -we are not your entertainment
Just because we are Trans does not mean that we owe you a blueprint of what our lives have been and are going to be.
I repeat- we are more than our bodies or our transitions
This makes me believe that you view us as nothing but objects
Forgetting that we too, are people with real issues that affect our everyday lives

Yet, the reality has become that Trans people are constantly blasted with “Innocent Questions” expected to educate by virtue of being Trans

But to be honest this, this becomes so draining to have to explain our lives repeatedly
Have you not heard of google? Trying to understand our existence before invading my privacy is far more rewarding to us all in the end
Why must we continue to feel like our identity is an inconvenience or burden?
Why must we constantly apologize for who we are or make excuses?

We don’t have to apologize for being honest about our identity;
We don’t have to apologize because you find my identity difficult or unfamiliar.
We don’t have to say sorry for existing as being who we are is challenging enough. I owe nobody justification for the choices I have made when it comes to my body or my gender.

Truth of the matter remains that your entitlement erases OUR Humanity and continues to portray Trans people as objects or props before you can even view us as autonomous human beings.

16 April 2018

20h22

Linda RM Baumann

His face is crafted in my memory

His face is crafted in my memory

The round shaped and chubby physical features strain my brain as I strive to wipe it out of my mind – but I can’t, it just does not want to go away

When I wake up every morning, I make sure I am well dressed and look as elegant as ever but yet what is behind this look and deep inside me is a storm of emotions that keeps coiling within as I have been warned to never speak out about it

I feel sick, violated and worthless and still I must keep quiet. I feel cheap and degraded but I cannot speak

Holding on to this gag placed on my mouth by preconditions ruled by the thoughts and stares of a world so sick has made my days unbearable. Silently, at the back of my mind I sit and hope that the person he is haunts him for eternity.

I try to lace my body with perfume hoping to mask your scent that seems to be near all my favourite places. Then I find myself blasting music to drown out the melody of your voice and to kill the tone of your aggression.

The scars you left on my body, now remain a constant reminder of the torture and agony you put me through.

I hope you never forget what you did to me… that it may come for you in the middle of the night when you least expect it- your conscience that is- as you replay my screams until you cannot be sane anymore.

By: Linda RM Baumann

08 April 2018

21h56

Namibia- Trans Woman attacked and violated by Transphobic Men

It all goes unspoken, unnoticed and unattended as Trans Diverse experiences of violations lead to self victimization and ridicule..

Mary (not real name) a self identified Trans Woman prepares herself for the evening as she had plans with friends for dinner and thereafter a social setting to just chill awaited ...

Mary prepared herself and heads off for dinner .. Spends the evening in great and loving company until she heads out to a common chill spot..

The night streams through with lots of fun and assertive interactions until Mary decided to call it a night...

Mary heads out to catch a cab at around 3am... The cab driver was so friendly and willing to take her to her destination..

AS they departed from the Bar the driver took the route to the local club Chez Ntemba and picked up two male passengers.. The drive was peaceful until the car came to a stop right before the City Police office "There is a off turn to your left on Simon Dr Vet street or bridge" says Mary..

She continues explaining "The next moment I see the two passengers grabbing my cellphone and the accessories I had... And then one guy grabs me and says "it's people like you who have caused so much evil and devil things"... " Today I will show you how to be a man" and there all hell broke loose... They forced themselves on me while one had an object in his hand as he grabbed my private parts... They rapped me and cut a few wounds on this toy between my legs"

Mary's tears started rolling down her cheeks as she narrated her ordeal... She fumes as she cries and speaks out loud in reflection of previous experiences she had... "I can't... this is just too much.. Why me?"

Trans Diverse persons in Namibia have endured and experienced gross violations, as Mary again chose not to report her case because she sees no relevance to advance a case that will not move anywhere...

Mary continues to share "I want nothing to do with any legal process or anything- I want nothing" she says as SHE sits back in her seat, eyes swollen from crying yet tears linger within..

It took so much to break through to Mary to atleast take up health services however we finally got to an agreement. Upon accessing services at Katutura Hospital- a whole process took place which spiraled so much fear in navigating the health care team and system itself to ensure access to services were attained for Mary.

The nurse's and doctor found themselves in a situation where we first had to do instant sensitization and calming. This approach was to ensure Mary is still comfortable irrespective of the reactions we got.

This again is a manifestation that Trans Woman are still treated with phobia based on their bodies. Additionally Trans Diverse persons continue to disregard the need to access services for their wellbeing as they are entitled to it due to a number of reasons put forth by them.

"There is also this persona and fear that sharing my ordeal again would make me become a sample size of documentation in advocacy whilst cases are only taken while the services end once recorded" says Mary..

Something urgent needs to be done to raise awareness on safety in public and in private spaces... and how one can ensure that their wellbeing is taken care of as a whole... 

By: Linda RM Baumann 

18h45

21 January 2018

(Incident happened on Wednesday 18 January 2018- sharing and crafting the story is based on the comfort of the survivor... )

# RespectAllSurvivors #MaganoBshares